Dear Allie,
Hi. My mom is such a worrier. I like to eat all kinds of things she gets upset about.
A few months ago, I ate most of a leash and she freaked out. I ate part of a pork
chop bone I found in the street and she freaked out. She freaked out each time I ate
something interesting that she didn’t think I could get, including: the pocket and
waistband from a pair of her jeans, the pocket from her robe, part of the sleeve from
Dad’s robe, part of her shoe, another shoe from a different pair, and part of her hat.
She really, really freaked out when Dasa and I caught a rabbit and ate part of it
before Dad took it away. If she fed me more, maybe I wouldn’t have to eat all of this
other stuff. Do you think she’s starving me? Should I ask Grandma to send snacks?
If so, do you think she’d send old jeans to chew on?
Sincerely,
Ivan from Illinois
Dear Ivan,
You got to eat part of a rabbit? Wow, that really sounds good. I've eaten baby
birds before and my mom freaks out, too. I guess she just expects me to sit there
and watch one flutter around for two hours. The last one I ate would have eventually
starved to death, so I was putting it out of it's misery actually.
As far as chewing on old jeans, you might not want to do that. One time my brother,
Cosmo, ate the entire crotch out of Dave's blue jean shorts. Debbie squirted some
bubbly liquid down his throat right after that, and Cosmo heaved for the next two
hours. He was so sick he just wanted to die. So don't eat any blue jeans.
HOWEVER, it does sound like a good idea to ask your Grandma for snacks. Your
mom isn't feeding you enough. If she doesn't want you to eat so much stuff, then
she should keep you in her lap all the time and always be petting you so you won't
think about eating things. It's her fault.
In the meantime, while you're waiting for your snacks from Grandma to arrive, try to
eat more healthy things like cookies, bread, lunch meat, stuff like that. For some
reason, the humans don't get quite as upset when we eat their food.
Good luck on getting more food,
Allie (whose favorite snack is a Sharpie pen)
Allie will give advice on anything to anybody. Please write her at allielu@mcleodusa.
net.
****************
Allie Lu Brown-Thompson
Edwardsville, IL
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